Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
