Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
