Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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