The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Found the puke drawer
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Randomize
