don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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