This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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