Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
