There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
