One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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