I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
