my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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