Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
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