I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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