I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
