Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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