There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
