i think my tv is drunk
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
