can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize