then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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