Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
