right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
