Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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