you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
