He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
