Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just blew my weed a kiss
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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