It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
