operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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