I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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