he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
