guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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