Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
