so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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