If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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