She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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