So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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