they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize