blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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