So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
COCAINE IS GR8
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
