he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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