I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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