life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
it's like iHOP with fire
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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