Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
