My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
