here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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