i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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