just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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