i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
