I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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