She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
