Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
