So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
