O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
