Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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