so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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