Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
