I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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