At least make sure they are 18
Why
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
