Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
