so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Don't EVER smell your tampon
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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