singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
