(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Ladies don't puke and tell
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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