First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
