he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
