I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
