you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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