That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
