I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
