Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
