My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
